Why Tech Support Guys Highly Paid

Tech Support   : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer       : “Ok.”
Tech Support   : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer       : “No.”
Tech Support   : “Ok. Right click again. Do you   see a pop-up menu?”
Customer       : “No.”
Tech Support   : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what  you have done up until this point?”
Customer       : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’  and I wrote ‘click’.”

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Customer       : “I received the software update  you sent, but I am still getting the same error  message.”
Tech Support    : “Did you install the update?”
Customer    : “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”

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Customer      : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support    : “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer    : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support    : “Ma’am, remove the disk and  tell me what it says.”
Customer    : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support    : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer    : “What?”
Tech Support    : “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer    : “No…”

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Customer      : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support  : ?!%#$   (welll pretend to smile)

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Tech Support   : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer       : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
Tech support   : &!^&*@#*

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Tech Support  : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer      : “A white one.”
Tech support  : *&^!@#^%

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Customer      : “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
Tech Support  : ?!%#$
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Customer      : “How do I print my voicemail?”
Tech support  : *&!^#@&^!#

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Customer      : “You’ve got to fix my computer.  I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support  : “What does it say?”
Customer      : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support  : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer      : “No, but there’s a sticker saying  there’s an Intel inside.”
Tech support  : *&^!#@&^%@#

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Tech Support  : “Just call us back if  there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”
Customer      : “Is that Eastern time?”

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Tech Support   : “What does the screen say  now?”
Customer       : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support   : “Well?”
Customer       : “How do I know when it’s ready?”
Tech support   : !*&^$*&@#^$

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Tech Support    : I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Customer         : sure
Tech Support    : could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer’?
Customer          : I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

 

Singapore Jokes

Teacher: Ah Kau, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ah Kau: $10.
Teacher: You don’t know Maths.
Ah Kau: You don’t know my father la!

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum.
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But but but….I will only get my report card tomorrow ???
Mother: I know that, but I’m going Hong Kong tomorrow so I’m scolding you now.

Father: Why did you fail your Mathematics Test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8. On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8. If she can’t make up her mind, how I know the right answer one ???

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No la, mine is undying love only! !!!

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: Same as me la.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He only became a father when I  born lo !!!

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That’s why I tell you she’s no good!

Teacher:  Where were you born?
Student:  Singapore , Sir.
Teacher:  Which part?
Student:  All of me ma….

 

How I became rich

A young man asked Morris, an old wealthy man, how he made his money.

Morris took off his glasses and said, “Well, son, it was 1932 during the heart
of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

“So I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple
and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire
day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system
for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated the sum of $1.60…..”

Then ..

Then ..

“Then my wife’s uncle Bernie died and left us two million dollars.”

 

Haven’t had sex

 

Fall-down Drunk

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

“Maybe all I need is some fresh air,” thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

“Screw it,” he thought. “I’ll just crawl home.”

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

“You went out drinking last night, didn’t you?” she said.

“Uh, yes,” he said sheepishly. “How did you know?”

“You left your wheelchair at the bar again.”